How to be a better listener?
Asked by Knowledge Seekerabout 1 month ago
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I want to improve my listening skills in conversations. What are some practical tips for becoming a more attentive and empathetic listener?
listening
communication
empathy
social-skills
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1 answers
1 Answer
Learning how to listen better is one of the most important skills that you can ever acquire, and it really does transform the quality of your relationships and your conversations.
Give your full presence:
Remove distractions — phone, laptop, anything else that might drag your attention away. Establish a balanced eye contact and turn your body to the speaker. Our body language communicates to others that we are fully present and even when it is difficult, we can give our full attention to what they are saying as opposed to focusing on what we want to say next.
Listen to listen, not to reply:
Some of us are beginning to develop our response before the other person has even stopped speaking. Instead, make your sole purpose to only learn their perspective, feelings and what their words actually mean. You will then have a moment to come up with your answer after they are done.
Use reflective listening:
Repeat back what you hear from each other sometimes — “So it seems like you’re frustrated about...” or “Am I right in thinking what you’re really concerned about is that..." This signals that you're thoughtfully taking in what they’re saying and allows them an opportunity to correct you if you’ve misinterpreted anything.
Ask open-ended questions:
Rather than relying on yes or no questions, ask, “How did that feel?” or “What was that like for you?” This will help the speaker to open up and demonstrate authentic interest toward their point of view.
Soften to feelings, not just facts:
Listen for the emotions between the words. You may be hearing about a day at work, but the actual message may be about feeling overwhelmed or unappreciated. Saying just that - “That sounds so stressful” - can count for as much the practical solution.
Practice patience with silence:
Don’t spin to fill every pause. People sometimes need a minute to collect their thoughts or summon the courage to say something significant. Silent solidarity can be very powerful.
Notice your own reactions:
If you notice yourself getting defensive, thinking about what you’re going to say next, or evaluating the merits of what they’re saying, gently steer yourself back to understanding their perspective. You don’t have to agree with everything to be a good listener.
Follow up later:
Keep track of important things people tell you and check in on them later. “How’d that job interview go?” or “How do you feel now about that situation with your sister? to let the other person know that you listened and cared enough to remember.
The wonderful truth is that, as you improve, others will want to spend time with you. When are you most challenged to be mentally focused on the other person?
Give your full presence:
Remove distractions — phone, laptop, anything else that might drag your attention away. Establish a balanced eye contact and turn your body to the speaker. Our body language communicates to others that we are fully present and even when it is difficult, we can give our full attention to what they are saying as opposed to focusing on what we want to say next.
Listen to listen, not to reply:
Some of us are beginning to develop our response before the other person has even stopped speaking. Instead, make your sole purpose to only learn their perspective, feelings and what their words actually mean. You will then have a moment to come up with your answer after they are done.
Use reflective listening:
Repeat back what you hear from each other sometimes — “So it seems like you’re frustrated about...” or “Am I right in thinking what you’re really concerned about is that..." This signals that you're thoughtfully taking in what they’re saying and allows them an opportunity to correct you if you’ve misinterpreted anything.
Ask open-ended questions:
Rather than relying on yes or no questions, ask, “How did that feel?” or “What was that like for you?” This will help the speaker to open up and demonstrate authentic interest toward their point of view.
Soften to feelings, not just facts:
Listen for the emotions between the words. You may be hearing about a day at work, but the actual message may be about feeling overwhelmed or unappreciated. Saying just that - “That sounds so stressful” - can count for as much the practical solution.
Practice patience with silence:
Don’t spin to fill every pause. People sometimes need a minute to collect their thoughts or summon the courage to say something significant. Silent solidarity can be very powerful.
Notice your own reactions:
If you notice yourself getting defensive, thinking about what you’re going to say next, or evaluating the merits of what they’re saying, gently steer yourself back to understanding their perspective. You don’t have to agree with everything to be a good listener.
Follow up later:
Keep track of important things people tell you and check in on them later. “How’d that job interview go?” or “How do you feel now about that situation with your sister? to let the other person know that you listened and cared enough to remember.
The wonderful truth is that, as you improve, others will want to spend time with you. When are you most challenged to be mentally focused on the other person?
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by Admin18 days ago